American Nightmare...

This week has been a bad week for sleep... Harper stayed up all night the other night.

Well almost, she went to sleep at 10:30 and then got woken up at 12:30...by a freak thunderstorm we had.

So I got a little under an hour of sleep. She hasn't slept much since then. Today she woke up at 9 and didn't nap all day. When she went to bed at eight tonight I was thinking, ,"Score! I'm going to get to sleep for more than an hour!"

She woke up at ten thirty won't go back to sleep.

I'm not the sort of person to give juice laced with benadryl, but the thought has crossed my mind with increasing frequency this week. To top a topper on it, it appears that one of these three things is happening: 1) a WWII reenactment is happening around here 2) our neighbors are watching scary movies in surround sound 3) a marching band has moved in above us.

Probably all three.

Halloween is coming up really soon, so Harper and I carved pumpkins tonight we have three kind of small ones. One for each of us:

   This is Harper's, it's supposed to be Brobee from Yo Gabba Gabba...kinda looks like a kindergarten Darth Maul...

  This one is mine, it's supposed to be Raphael the Ninja Turtle...he's smirking but it's hard to tell in the picture.

This is Megan's pumpkin. She is naked because Meg was a team bonding night tonight, if she doesn't tell me otherwise by this time tomorrow it will be Jack Skellington.

To everyone out their, have a happy Halloween. 

Here is a suggested playlist for your Halloween enjoyment:

1.Halloween- the Misfits

2. Vampire Heart- HIM

3.Skatanic-Reel Big Fish

4.Thriller-Michael Jackson

5.Vampires Mummies and the Holy Ghost-Jimmy Buffett

6.Oogie Boogie Song-Tiger Army

7.Wolf Moon- Type O-Negative

8.Fear of the Dark-Iron Maiden

9.Ghost Busters Theme song

10.Baby-Justin Beiber....Hey, it scares the Hell out of me!

You, you got what I need...

This weekend has been sheer heart attack.

I would have broke this up into three posts but have not had internet access for long enough to do so.

So I'll begin in the general vicinity of the beginning. Saturday, Harper and I went with Megan's parents to her soccer game at Emmanuel College. It resides in the tiny town of Franklin Springs, Georgia pretty much adjacent to Royston the birthplace of Ty Cobb. 

You can impress people at parties with that tidbit. 

So we go the girls win, everything is going peachy, the girls stomp the opposition in to the ground and poke them for a while to make sure they were beaten sufficiently. Not really...they won 3-1 but that's still pretty decisive for soccer. On the way home we get a call from Meg. She is in the ER, and doesn't know what hospital she is in.

Panic ensues and they is much screaming and gnashing of brakes by all parties involved. 

Turns out she just got dehydrated which caused her to feel terrible and after getting fluids she was basically okay and the panic died down. Harper just sat and watched Elmo...then fell asleep...

                                                       Carcolepsey strikes again.

Today(Sunday) Meg's parents took us to see Yo Gabba Gabba live! at the Fox Theater. I expected Harper to be bouncing off the walls like a madwoman and trying to get down to the stage to hug the characters and steal them so she could have them come live with us.

Apparently I was wrong.

From the moment we passed under the Fox Marquee she was hypnotized, the rich gold trim, the ornate lights, and rich carpeting. I guess it really is pretty striking, and she was hit with every ounce of it. The only things she said until the show started were asking for for Jr. Mints or after I told her that Yo Gabba Gabba were going to be on the stage she explained, "Go Go in 'dere!"

Translation: "yo gabba gabba is going to be down there!"

Then it began and the trance really began, she hardly moved just shaking slightly  with excitement, and doing a little wiggle dance sometimes.

                                               Can't look away...too...much...GABBA!!!

The got a lot of local celebs out to help preform including Zack Brown, who sang about going pee pee/poopie in the potty. Family Force Five who showed the kid's a new dance in their splendiforus skinny jeans(they probably have denim paint), and Biz Marquee(the human beatbox) teaching them "Biz's beat of the day" a regular Gabba segment. You may remember him from this particular pop culture moment:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aofoBrFNdg&ob=av2n

So the rest of the day she had to talk  about "Go-Go" and got to the Varsity for the first time, so she should be asleep now after an eventful weekend...Though she isn't...

So let me tell you about something else I learned this week.

Hell is other people insurance claims agents. I got hit in the back of the car a couple weeks ago, nothing major just a guy who rolled into me at the gas pump, no big deal expect he had a hitch on the front of his truck and left a dent on my bumper, so I got to talk to an claims agent.

I called 3 times over three days, finally he answers the phone. Then we speak...twice and he admit's that they are responsible for this mess. Two more no answers and finally he answers and says he still has things to verify, and will call me when it is complete.

No call...a week passes.

I call his extension and it comes up invalid over and over, so I talk to the first available agent. He fixed the mess and sounds embarrassed about the whole thing, as he should. I ask him about the invalid extension and he says that the only explanation is that the person is no longer with the company...So maybe some justice has been served.

Though not the Bruce Lee justice I had in mind after talking to the guy/ his answering machine 6 times.

Upon your Request...

Since people want to see the pretty girl herself, I uploaded some pics from my phone of her.

Harper loves to steal Megan's sports bra...

Harper all dressed up for the soccer games Tuesday. It's hard to see, but the pigtails are blue!

Hello, my name is Harper, I is a baby model. 

I know you is jealous of the cheeks.

Now that I know how to upload pictures, you can expect some photo updates of things that I like. I hope you like them too.

Hitchhikiers Guide to the Cutlery: Part Deux, Life the Universe and Sticky Things

Yesterday I embarked on a remarkable journey, it began looking through three cookbooks. Finally I found something that looked promising, Beer Can Chicken.

You may be familiar with this particular recipe, that involves cooking a chicken with a can of beer stuck up it's bum . I comes by many names, Beer Can Chicken, Beer in the Rear Chicken, The Drunken Bird. The list of innuendos goes on for days.

I had to try it.

So after deciding on an appropriate side dish (corn fritters) I went to the market to get supplies. After scouring the counter for a few minutes Harper and I found our bird. It was a 4.8 lb beauty that had the giblets pulled out already. i have been the giblet remover for several chickens that Megan has cooked and having no desire to go through that again I opted for the giblet-free model.

The next step was finding the beer, I was looking for Heineken. I mean Heinie-Can what could be more perfect? but you need a 16 oz can or larger to cook a bird on and the only one available was the keg can. I just wouldn't fit. So with the limited choices of Natural Light, Icehouse, Bud Light and Bud Light Lime I went with Bud Light (for superior drunken birdablity).

Turns out it takes about an hour and a half to cook that sucker, so while it was going I made the glaze witch mainly consisted of maple syrup and orange marmalade. I put it in a bowl on the kitchen table and went to cook the fritters. In a about a half an hour Harper and I we chowing down on a really tasty, and only mildly violated chicken with corn fritters. It turned out really well.

Until I took Harper down from her highchair only to notice something was wrong with her hair. It was all matted and dark on one side, at first I was afraid she might have hit it and bled some. I was relieved to find chunks on orange rind in her " head wound". Turns out she had gotten a hold of some of the glaze while it had been at the table, and stuck it on her head. Two baths yesterday for HK.

While I was cooking I was thinking about how you could put Beer Can Chicken on a menu, and later thought about what the dish would be called if you used different kinds of beer.

So here you go:

Coors: Rocky Mountain Chicken
Budweiser: This Bird's for You
Dos X: The Worlds Most Interesting Chicken
Red Stripe: Hooray Bird!
Corona: Chicken-Miles Away from Ordinary
Miller Highlife: The Peacock of Chickens
Colt 45: It Clucks Every Time
and the one my dad came up with,
Amstell: Hole in the Dam Chicken

There were more...but I want ya'll to keep reading.

So back to Sticky, Harpers new name after the glazed baby incident. Night before last she slept from 8:30 pm to 8 am, I got up twice anyway because I was convinced she had escaped and ran away. She very rarely sleeps all night, mostly nightmares wake her up, the scariest thing that she ever see's is my face after a week of not shaving so who knows what about. They must be doozies though.

Harper is growing so fast, and running even faster. As her vocabulary get's bigger and she starts communicating more she get's even cuter. The way she says things is so funny and cute and sometimes even insightful.
Here are some things that she says, that I think are funny.

Go-Go=Yo Gabba Gabba, her favorite TV show.
Mama Ball=Soccer
'poon=spoon/fork
shuze=shoes, she loves shoes. the first thing she ever said she loved wasn't mama, not dada, but shoes.
Cayke=any dessert, this is usually shouted loudly.
elo=elmo, this may refer to the character, or Sesame St.
Hot!= could be either candles or stove, if it's a candle she'll sniff the air after she says it.

Megan had a soccer game today, and played really well. I think most of the other team suffered blood loss, which means I'm going to need some extra bleach.

Harper got to run around making friends with everyone and giving 10,000 high fives witch is always fun for her, and only ran on the field one time when the ball was at the other end.

It was a white out game, so I dressed her up in white pants, one of Meg's old really small jerseys rolled up and tied up. I also sprayed her pigtails blue, you know your jealous.

All Apologies...

I ran into a former professor at the supermarket the other day, I hadn't really been very close to them and we didn't speak on this occasion. It occurs to me that there are many people that have been in my life that if they were 20 feet away from me we probably wouldn't speak.

In this particular instance I know why the professor didn't say anything to me, after thinking about it for a minute I realized that he probably thinks I'm a maniac.

He hosted an online class with discussion boards that covered many moral and ethical issues. They were soooooo boring. Someone lists an opinion that is the "right" answer and twenty people say "I agree with you"...so I advocated a ton of things that I don't really agree with, communism, anarchy, capital punishment for repeated parking offenders, bombing high population foreign cities to provide relief for overpopulation. 

That provided for some interesting discussions, witch is what I wanted, but now about 17 people think I'm insane.

So to everyone to which I have been a smart ass, I apologize. To everyone else, I also apologize preemptively I just haven't gotten to you yet.

Megan had a soccer game yesterday, which means Harper got to see 50+ of her closest friends. She ran up and down the bleachers giving high-fives and hugs to everyone.

She is probably the friendliest child in the world.

She learned to say sun yesterday,  but she says it "shan" but it's still super cute.

Just a little Respect...

I have found new respect for women.

That is not to say that I didn't before, or that I don't already respect them immensely for a number of very good reasons. I just found a new one.

Harper is getting older and has started coming in the bathroom every time I go. It's not a big deal... I just don't feel right about shutting the door all the way because one of two things happens. One: she will bang on the door loudly until I am deaf. Two: she goes away and becomes conspicuously quiet...

So you can see why I don't mind her barging in.

I just don't want her watching whats happening. So I go sitting down, all the time, and peeing sitting down is no fun.  I seriously have no idea how ladies do that every time. So like I said, not a great reason, not even close to the best reason...but a new reason nonetheless. So...much respect ladies.

Harper learned how to say poop this week, which is kind of hilarious because she has so much fun saying it.  She goes around saying, " i made poop! Hhahahaha." It's kind of amazing. She also is starting to get an addiction, the children's book "Chicka Chicka BOOM BOOM" Megan and I probably read it to her 17 times a day. She picks it up and says "BOOM BOOM!' and will keep poking you with it and saying "BOOM BOOM" until you finally read it.

It's all fun and games until you get a paper cut.

Running on Empty...

I know you've felt like this. Like you've expended all the energy you have, maybe physically, emotionally, mentally. It could be any way. You don't have anything in the tank but you have to keep going.

But it's okay because the reason your exhausted is worth being tired for.

This has been one crazy weekend/start of the week.

Friday night: Meg and I took Harper to the fair along with some of the girls from the Shorter Lady Hawks Soccer team(AKA Harpers 30 other Moms). We had a blast, there weren't too many rides for Harper so we had to find something she wanted to do. This didn't turn out to be all that hard.

They had a livestock show, and the girl loved it. She watched a chick hatch, petted cows, looked at exotic breeds of chickens and met sheep. I say "met" because she adored them, she thinks they are beautiful, wonderful, and engaging conversationalists. Apparently they all speak toddler fluently.

She also got to see a llama, camels, goats, and pigs but they weren't as exciting.

While Harper was yucking it up with the sheep, the adults were dropping like flies. Rides, the smell of animal poo, and rogue funnel cakes were causing nausea quicker than a keg of ipecac.

Overall Friday= Win.

Saturday: Lady Hawks soccer game. To make things better HK had all four grandparents in attendance. The girls put up a win over the Columbia Fighting Kolas(I couldn't make this stuff up).

Harper put on a dribbling clinic with the aide of their assistant coach, and scored about 12 goals. Maybe one or two using legal soccer procedure.

Saturday = Win x2

Sunday: I don't actually remember Sunday happening, but it seemed important at the time... Call it a draw?

So friends go get a win yourself today, whatever one is for you.

If all else fails, talk to a sheep.

These are a few of my favorite things...

If you have been reading my blog so far and are wondering " who is Matt White? what kind of person is he? what makes him tick?" here are a few insights in the form of some of my "likes" and "dislikes". 

Likes-                                        

Green ballpoint pens.

Most bodies of water.

Martin guitar strings.

Baseball.

Black and white workout clothes.

The smell of coconut.

Dogs.

Traveling.

Laughing.

Dislikes-

Red ink.

Cold weather.

The Yankees.(the baseball team)

People who make up words and pretend they are real.

Horror Movies.

Bad handshakes.

Over cooked meat.

The word delicious in sentences that don't relate to food.

Cell phones.

Harper has been saying a new phrase that I think is the best thing ever, instead of just saying "hug" she'll come up to you with her hands raised in the air and says, "hug you?". I know it's the same thing but her saying things that are unique to her is really cool. Then when shes hugging she makes a little sound that is like an "mmm mmm" when someone eats something they like. 

So what do you like? Why do you like it? Do you like green pens also?

I hope someone else likes them, you can sign my petition for Wall Mart to carry them. And here you were thinking that Wall Mart had everything.

 

Mostly Harmless...

I would like to begin by apologizing for yesterdays post, it was a real downer. After reading it today I though it sounded so much like Marvin(the Paranoid Android) from the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy that I had to throw up a big ,"I'm sorry!" sign to everyone who read it.

So...

Today was a very good day, the weather was very nice, Harper was a happy girl and the fair has come into town. We may go soon, I wonder if Harper would enjoy it? I know Meg would they have funnel cakes and fried Oreo's.

We went to a park today as we often do, a different on than normal and had a great time. Harper calls every kid she sees of any age, as long as they don't look like adults "baby", she gets along with other kids really well for the most part, except for the few that take exception at being called baby.

We walked around this park after letting her play with the other kids and on the jungle gym. She found a tennis ball while we were walking around and started throwing it around. For a one year old she has a Cannon! She was going around yelling, "GO!" and throwing her ball, running after it as it went rolling down the pavement.

Pure Magic.

There is a theory that goes, if anyone ever finds out what the universe is for and why it exists, then it will immediately be destroyed and replaced with something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another that says this has already happened.

I'll let you decide what you think.

With Your Feet in the Air and Your Head on the Ground...

Rejection is never fun, I have gotten a rejection notice of some sort three out of the last five days. I know that there are thousands of people in the same situation, some who have been going through it for much longer than six or seven months.

I just get sick of hearing the same sentences over and over, "we have already filled that position", "we no longer have room for this position in the budget", and the worst one ever, "we have kept your resume on file".

What are you going to do with it? Look at it for kicks when your feeling down?

Harper threw massive tantrum leaving the park today, the terrible two's. I have heard that what happens in this stage is that they are trying to communicate somethings to you that and don't understand why you don't know what they mean. After that the emotion circuits in their brain override everything else until they calm down and get distracted by something else.

Another theory is the child's body momentarily turns into a banshee.

I'm on the fence with this one.

Then we went to the grocery store where she charmed the lady at the florist counter into giving her a balloon and made more friends in a few minuets than I have in the last ten years.

The Braves are in the playoffs, so the week is looking up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGXdXcpNsv4 This song might make you feel better if your feeling down.