Dreaming of the White's Christmas...

Christmas time has come and gone... and I don't know weather to be sad it's over or happy I survived...

To start off, the Winter Solstice was the week of Christmas and a friend of mine told me that on the day of the Winter Solstice you can stand an egg on it's end because of the magnetic pull of the Earth was aligned or something like that.

Of course I had to experiment...

And it works! It weebled and it wobbled and... it actually fell down really easily. Point it it worked...
The next day, nothing. The same egg just flopped onto it's side, I tried about six eggs just made sure it wan't a fluke. Alas it's true just on the Solstice...

So as we prepared for Christmas, we made our house look like a Seasonal Concepts(do those still exist?) store threw up on it. Which is to say it looks awesome!

We have an artificial tree because I have terrible allergies, our tree is an all white one with primarily red and silver ornaments. Some people have said it looks like it belongs in a Target add... you be the judge.

Maybe it does look like a Target add, but that's fine because Target is awesome.

So the Thursday before Christmas I went to Kroger with Harper while Meg cleaned. Good GOD.

So in Rome the Kroger shopping center is set up like this...

K /Hibbits//a road//TJ Maxx/ Ross/Barnes and Noble/Peir 1/Michaels/ a few small stores...

r

o                the Kroger parking lot ends about

g                            *here

e                 I had to park                              *here

r

As I dodged cars and fought to get the last shopping cart I breathed a sign of relief because it couldn't be any worse inside the store...WRONG.

I raced to get the last Smithfield ham...it said Smithfield ham on my list so no other ham would do. After eating said ham, it was worth cart blocking the three families and turning the disabled womans scooter the other way to get it. I also got the last one of these items; cream cheese, apple cider, and fresh cranberries. Megan made a ham, a turkey, dressing, chocolate cream cheese bars and mashed sweet potatoes. My mom made biscuits and green been bundles, and Megan's mom made squash casserole and potato salad. 

We had seven people eating all of said food. All of it was excellent... and now we don't have to buy any food this week.

On her third Christmas Harper finally started getting in on the fun. She now has more toys than some stores, and learned new words like rip, tear, and dadadadada  PLEASE! She had a great time, and everyone else did watching her too. 

This is her wearing one of her presents.

Cute huh?

There are pink leggings and pink and orange light up shoes under that... so pretty much awesome outfit.

So Christmas was awesome, and I hope yours was also!

On another note my dad got me a couple of steaks, this is my lunch today thanks to him.

I know your jealous...but try not to drool. No one likes a sticky keyboard!

In case your wondering yes those are perfectly charred edges, and yes the center is a perfect medium rare pink.

Merry Christmas, and have a happy new year...and don't judge my hat...

Stuck Between Stations...

Today cleaning up our apartment I was listening to a jazz record by an extremely talented guitar player named Wes Montgomery. You probably have no idea who he is unless you are into jazz or just love guitar music.

I first heard his music in 2004 when I was working part time at an antique store called Antiques on the Square, If you are ever in Marietta it's a great place to see. Jim the owner/manager/sales staff was starting to expand the sale of vinyl records and needed some help getting all the albums cataloged and priced.

At the time I was going into my Junior year in high school and had really just discovered a rabid fascination with music I was listening to everything I could get my hands on and learning all I could about the artists I liked. The Clash, Jimi Hendrix, the Velvet Underground, Lynyrd Skynyrd and so many more. I played in a punk rock band I think we were called 10 Gun Consortium, it's hard to tell for sure because I played with some incarceration of that band for about six years and we changed our name about 30 times.

At the antiques store Jim and his wife Melissa always kept music on usually jazz, blues, pop and rock that didn't offend anyone that may wonder into the store, these days they have one of the most extensive record catalogues in north Atlanta so there is no telling what you may hear them playing.

As I was going through all these albums Id come across artists I'd never heard of like Stanley Jordan, Herb Alpert, Boston, Suzie Quatro, and Lightning Hopins. If it was something I hadn't heard we would listen to it, and more often than not I would like it. When I ran across something that I liked that Jim thought was lame he never said, "wow that is terrible, why would you listen to that?", or any of the typical responses, he would always say something like, "that's not really my thing but I understand why you like it".

Through the years working there during summer vacation and Christmas break I would sit near the stereo and expand my knowledge, correct my misconceptions, and talk about music.

I am forever indebted to Jim and Melissa for many reasons, one is they let me keep a lot of records, mostly albums without covers they couldn't sell or that were badly damaged, another is they showed me how awesome the Beatles are. At the time I was working there I had only heard the songs my mom liked, "Obla di, Obla da" and "Yellow Submarine" the sort of happy tunes that made them famous and I was listening to Motorhead, Soundgarden, Megadeth the sort of bands that want to "Shake your Blood" not the kind that "Wanna Hold Your Hand". They let me hear songs like "Happyness is a Warm Gun" and "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" that appealed to my sick, twisted teenage mind.

It's a pleasure to listen to these songs today and remember the first time I heard them, the way I felt and how they have made their impact in my life in their own way. here's a link to a Wes Montgomery tune, I hope all of you enjoy it- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOm17yw__6U

Peace on Earth and good will to Jedi...

Christmas time is here!

Our apartment looks like a Hallmark threw up on it, and the stockings are hung by the television with care. If we try to install a fireplace we'll probably violate our rent agreement... not to mention we'd have a lynch mob around here in about six seconds.

My stocking has Yoda on it, because nothing says Christmas like a 900 year old alien midget that speaks with a Ms.Piggy voice.

Last Saturday Harper turned two, she speaks in sentences, uses a potty, and usually sleeps through the night. Two years ago that was inconceivable, she was so small. A little 5 pound 11 ounce string bean of a baby that had to sleep in her car seat because the bassinet was cavernous to her. She was born with dark blue eyes that  were more alert at two hours old than many adults, and though they are green brown now they haven't lost any of their alert intensity.

Last week she came with my dad and I when I got a haircut, after it was finished I walked over to her and she looked at me with the most shocked and puzzled look  and said, "Dada! What you do?". It was incredibly entertaining.

It is in the 30's today and has snowed on and off for the past two days, my metal hip is barking it's good thing Christmas cheer is overly evident this year. Everyone I talk to seems full of a quiet determination to spread a little bit of cheer, and that is always a very good thing.

So maybe this year we can find a little peace on Earth... or maybe just a little bit of peace within ourselves and have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanuka, and if you celebrate a holiday that I didn't mention (Kwanzaa, Diwali, Festivus) insert appropriate holiday greeting.

Rip

On Thanksgiving my uncle Wayne White passed away. It was unexpected, though his health hadn't been very good for the past couple of years. Our family was around, which was great and if he'd had a choice I think he would have been okay with the circumstances.

Wayne was a character straight out of a movie, a charismatic person in in cowboy boots, a fast car, and more tall tales than I had ever heard from any ten sources before. I would come to know in later years that many of them were true. Though at face value it was almost impossible to say witch.

He was a restless person and didn't like to stay in one place all that long. He stayed with us often when I was a kid and had a toothbrush at our house for years. As a little kid I would wonder into his room and wake him up, he's always get up and play with me whether he wanted to or not. As soon as he stood up I would say "boots!" and he would put on his boots, hand him his watch "tick tock!" pull him into the bathroom and say "teeth!" and after he brushed his teeth I would pull him off to play in my room or to go watch cartoons . At this point he would be wearing only his boots, watch, and underpants, but went along with me anyway laughing the whole time.

As I got older he didn't stay with us as frequently, but we remained close. My family always went on at least on trip a year with him and his wife Janice. It could be Helen, or the mountains in North Carolina, or even Mexico Beach Florida to the Driftwood Inn, witch will always have a place in my heart. Mexico Beach became something of a ritual and every year from ages 11-15 we went with Wayne down to the gulf and we would eat shrimp and oysters, and go to Tyndall air force base to find shells. To this day all over the Driftwood Inn grounds if you know where to look, you will see two W's with a circle around them.

He knew people everywhere, or so I thought at the time. This was often true, but as often as not his "friends" were perfect strangers. He treated nearly everyone like a friend and could strike up a conversation with a rock. It didn't even need to be a particularly bright rock.

Wayne was bigger than life in a lot of ways, he had been on a NASCAR pit crew and knew Richard Petty and Dale Earnhart. He claims to have changed tires for both during races, because at that time he was the fastest. I have heard from other sources than him that this is true, so it could be. He also would tell of how they would bend the rules to get an edge, I won't get into details and risk incriminating anyone but I will tell you this NASCAR is the 1970's was probably at least as ingenious as NASA in the same era.

What most people remember about Wayne is the flash, he loved effect it may have been what he was best at. He wore two tone shirts before Garth Brooks, had fast cars and had a dramatic flair unrivaled by all but the most over the top Hollywood actors.

He let me drive his Camero on an actual road when I was eleven, a move that no other adult I know would have made, but he did. Often we would get a phone call from a strange number,invariably it would be Wayne saying, "guess where I am." He could be anywhere, but it was always somewhere you wanted to be. The beach, mountains, wherever.

 I tried this same thing my sophomore year of college to equally dramatic, but disastrous results. My parents still groan about it three years later.

All the things I remember most about him are just scratching the surface. In more recent years I would discover he was intelligent, thoughtful, a pain in the ass, and one of the most genuine people I have ever met. If Wayne didn't like you there was probably a good reason for it and it was your loss. If he made you mad it was probably because you loved him.

A few years ago, I think it was Easter, the year after my Gran-Gran passed away I was walking out to his car with him because he "had to go" which he often did. After saying our goodbyes he turned around gave me a hug, and said, "I love you buddy" with a sheepish almost embarrassed grin.

He will be sorely missed by everyone who knew him friends, family, all of the customers of his extermination business who he would surely count as friends also,and everyone else who knew\\
 and I think he would be happy to be missed. At his memorial yesterday there were few dry eyes and I think he would have approved.

So I titled this post Rip but it is not by any means "rest in peace", Wayne was known as "Rip" by many people though I never knew how he got that moniker. Never thought to ask, it just fit. Sort of how like you don't think of why we call automobiles "cars". He has peace now, but I doubt he would be happy resting.

 As I write this I can hear him saying to someone right now, "well, I gotta go".

What if Your Soul Doesn't Like Chicken Soup...

You may or may not know this, Rainn Wilson(better known as Dwight Schrute from the Office) has recently co-authored a book based on the website that he is affiliated with, Soulpancake/Soulpancake.com. They challenge you to look at life in new ways, and look at all the questions that you never really thought you would hear answers to.

Recently he was on the Rachel Ray show and they made Soulpancakes I thought they looked awesome so tonight I made some. They were in fact incredible.

Here is a picture of the "Soulpanckes" they put bacon in the pancakes, did you hear that?

Bacon inside of the pancakes, GENIUS!

They were super tasty, and the website is also really cool. Here is a link to the website, so that you can expand your mind and read the recipe for "Soulpancakes" yourself.  SoulPancake / SP Content / What's YOUR Life's Big Question? Note that they put cinnamon in the syrup. Again, GENIUS.

I wasn't the only big fan of them, the notorious food critic HK White also enjoyed them. Maybe more so because she heard the word cake, which sold her on them.

Mmmm bacon cayke.

 I have had some people ask about the titles of my blogposts, and why they are so strange. Almost all of them  are some sort of pop-culture reference, like a book title, song title or line, or something from a movie. They are usually pretty obscure, which is why almost no one knows what they are in reference to.

Three days ago Megan and I took the door off Harper's crib, thus making it into a daybed. The first two nights she slept fairly well and it was more or less without issue. Last night, I was awakened at 5AM with a tiny face next to me whispering ,"dada heeey dada."

Hey, I can think of a lot worse things to be woken up by. Though I still jumped out of my skin.

November Rain...

There is no language in the known world where the phrase "as easy as bathing a toddler" has ever been uttered. There are several reasons for this:

1)You will get wet, very wet. You might as well wear a bathing suit.
2)They will cry even if the shampoo in their eyes in tear free.
3)You will have to clean the bathroom after you finish because they get water EVERYWHERE.

This is Harper sleeping with the blue blanket I mentioned in the last post. My parents have hundreds of pictures of me as a toddler sleeping. I used to think it was because I slept often, but after asking about it, and experiencing the strange phenomenon known of as baby sleeping habits I know why.

They were documenting it.

So when the were awake at three in the morning watching me bounce off the walls, they could look at the picture and say, "yes, here is the proof, he has slept before. It could happen again..."

Harper is no better about sleeping, so I have begun the nocturnal documentation also...Chalk that up on the list of things I never planned to do.

Earlier this summer Megan's cousin gave us a baby carrying backpack for hiking. Harper and I have been using it often exploring the "wilderness" wherever we happen to be. I may have mentioned this before.

This is us climbing Kennesaw Mountain, Harper looks really happy, I know. Unbelievably she has actually fallen asleep  in that thing. This is about two miles into a three mile hike, so she's actually holding up really good.

After consistant bashing over the last two months I must make a small concession. The Fall does have one leg up on the other seasons, that doesn't completely redeem it but is still pretty amazing. That is the sunsets, good Lord. Fall sunsets are amazing, the light is just amazing, like fire on the horizon painting the world with big fat brush strokes that you just don't see in other seasons.

This is sort of a poor example, but the storm clouds are pretty majestic also.

So go out and enjoy the rest of your weekend, I hope its a good one. If your out at night look for Jupiter it's really close right now.


If your a sports fan, Braves relief pitcher Peter Moylan has started a blog that is candid, charming, and often embarrassing to read. I think you'll like it petermoylan.com is the URL go check it out.

Things...

Like just about every kid since the invention of bed linens, Harper has a favorite blanket. Unlike most kids her age it isn't a small one with a Mickey Mouse print on it or any sort of blanket marketed to children; she has about fifty of these and doesn't love any of them particularly.  No, her favorite is a large furry blue blanket that used to be mine. It's big enough to fit on a full bed, and she adores everything about it.

I have had it for several years, my mom got it for me when I had just had ACL surgery and was hobbling around "Bed Bath and Beyond" with her.I felt it sitting in a bin in the middle on an isle and commented that I might could use a new blanket, feeling sorry for me and my pain med addled state mom got it for me.  I slept with it, at school in my dorm. It was often smelly, covered in "Icy Hot" and didn't get washed near often enough.

When Harper was born it found it's way into a compartment in our entertainment center with a few other blankets(now having been cleaned properly several times), and about six months ago Harper discovered it. We had often used it to keep warm while watching TV, but Harper claimed it as her own. She falls to sleep clutching it's over sized fluffy corners. If it were a lighter shade you could almost think that she was Linus from the Peanuts cartoons.

Thinking about the blanket reminds me of my college dorm rooms, freshman year I had a room in the middle on the hall on the top floor of the worst dorm on campus. It was usually infested by ants, the communal showers had things growing in them older than me, maybe even my parents and the heater was only a heater in theory.

Having said all that it was a really good experience, I had two roommates at different times though neither of them for very long. One moved out to live with a friend who's roommate never showed up, but I got to know him and he was a pretty cool guy. We even roomed together again later. The other guy was also cool, but we had opposite schedules so we would constantly wake each other up waking up or coming in late.

All in all I had a room to myself for 6 for the 8 months I was in that room. I liked that because it cleared up a lot of space for my clothes and I could engage in all sorts of activities that another person might not love. I only used lamps which kept the room pleasant but ill lit. I dabbled in beginners yoga, played strange music(I got on a Ravi Shankar/ Ali Farka Toure kick) and made tea with cats claw, a foul smelling herb that boots your immune system and induces drowsiness.

I also used "Icy Hot" like an addict, I have had a titanium plate in my left leg since I was 12 that is still uncomfortable during the Winter months. So intense workouts during January it hurt like you can't imagine. Or maybe you can, but I hope not. So every night after workouts I put the Icy Hot all over my leg, I bet that room still smells like it.

So the gross dorm that I initially hated brings back some fond memories, something that I wouldn't have bet on during week one.

Got No Future, Great Big Past...

Sorry it's been a while since my last post. What with all the things going on in life, I either haven't had the energy or just couldn't actually sit down to write what I was thinking.

I got my annual sinus infection this past week, I get one every year about this time without exception. It's a terrible reminder that my lips will now be chapped until April.  There are so many great things about the winter; my daughter's birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, winter GM meetings...kidding about the last one...sort of.

The weather is not one of them. 

I hate cold, I hate rain, not overly fond of ice in whatever form it is being hurled at me. A lot of people experience what some people call the "long dark night of the soul". Winter for me is sort of a small version of that, I get grumpy and start  doing outrageous things like denying the existence of the United Nations, and trying to prove that the chemical reaction responsible for happiness can be replicated using star fruit and fresh eggs.  Call it the "long dark teatime of the soul" 

I strongly suspect during this part of the year that people find me insufferable, or at least mildly annoying. Apropos that I would be fated to going to several job interviews during this time.

Oh well. 

Harper slept nearly all night last night, it was miraculous, the time falling back has messed up her normal wake up time. Which means I have a built in 7am wake up call whether I like it or not.

It's just magical.

I have mentioned Harper's strange eating habits before so I thought I'd list some things that she likes to eat for your amusement:

Soup- it hardly matters what kind HK loves "schoop" Vegetable, Miso, Chicken, Ramen. It doesn't matter, she loves "schoop"

Peanut Butter-I HATE peanuts and everything that can be made from them. However when we discovered that Harper would eat peanut butter crackers I had to put up with the smell, because it was giving her the protein she wasn't getting from all the chicken she was throwing on the floor. Recently she started breaking apart her crackers and eating all of the peanut butter off...

So Megan has a bright idea, we'll just give her a lump of peanut butter and a couple of Ritz and let her go nuts. This is a fantastic idea...except the guy who gags at the smell of peanuts has to clean them out of EVERYTHING.

Cake- I think she likes the idea of "cayke" even more than eating it. If it's on TV or nearby she says, "cayke mmm-mmm good!" 

Pickled things- Cucumbers, okra, I suspect eggs or pigs feet also. She loves pickles last night after dinner she ate four pieces of pickled okra, I have no idea how she keeps it down. Kids hate weird textures, and that is just downright odd, slimy, slightly furry things, that are hollow on the insides and chock full of seeds. Ewww, but she likes them.

Condiments- Ketchup, Ranch Dressing, Soy Sauce...Whatever food is only the means to get condiment to her mouth. Recently we have stopped giving her them, almost at all. This is why, she'll take two chicken nuggets to eat about a third of a 20 oz ketchup bottle. So you can see the dilemma.

If you've watched the Conan show that is new on TBS you may have seen the super-group Fistful of Mercy who preformed tonight, the band consists of Ben Harper, Joseph Arthur, and Dhani Harrison(that's George's son to all you Beatlemaniacs) and tonight Rage Against the Machine guitar man Tom Morello preformed with them and it was pure magic. I have been fans of all of these artists for years but just found out last week they had worked together, go find their album "As I Call You Down" and buy it, encourage all your friends to buy it and you will not be sorry.

this isn't the Conan performance but it is an awesome tune nonetheless. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wcg9scKfbhM&playnext=1&list=PL5CE4E28BF9B0AD45&index=17

Have a good night, and since it's cold outside, warm up with a cup of tea and some "schoop".

And Another Thing...

Tonight was a park night. Harper gets extremely antsy when we have to stay inside all day, which doesn't happen too much only on rainy days or freakishly cold ones. 

If you live in Georgia you know there haven't been any of those so far this year.

So we go to the park, the park that we typically go to is different than your normal playground and open field setup that many in the area have. It boasts tennis courts, baseball and softball fields, a driving range, a skate park, several playgrounds, and a senior center. It's really more of a community hub than just a park.

We played on the different playgrounds where Harper has rediscovered slides, (she used to love them but got scared one time and wouldn't go down them for a couple of months) played on swings and made general merriment. We watched six and seven year olds play a baseball game, and eventually made our way up to the driving range. 

It was closed which was good because it gives her a really big open field to run around in. As we got to the top of the hill that it is on I noticed some deer on the edge of the field, a minute later Harper did also,"oooh wasat?"

"those are deer"

"ooooh deau"

" you want to go see them?"

"YES! OKAY"

we creep up on them and as we get closer Harper got more and more excited, eventually running at them screaming "HEEEEYYYY DEEEEAUUUUUUUUU!!!!! HIII GUYS!" and scaring all eight of them away and making her very sad until I told her to find them we had to creep around quietly and look for them. 

So for the next ten minutes she creeps around on her tiptoes whispering "shhhh dada, deau. Shhhh."

If you have an (almost) two year old, or have had one, or have ever seen one before, you know that ten minutes is a gigantic amount of time for them to do anything. You have never seen anything funnier.

We never found the deer but Harper did jump off of the playground (at a much too high location) she must have realized this around the time she jumped because she grabbed onto an overhead bar. She hung there for just seconds but I bet in those three seconds she yelled "DADA DOWN!" eight times.

It's a wild ride being a parent. Sort of like a roller coaster than you can't get off of.

The midterm elections are coming up and though I refuse to get political in this blog i'd like to give you all this tidbit. A little theory I have.

In no circumstances should someone who is capable of getting themselves elected be allowed to do the job. If you want to get something done right, get someone who is passionate about the issues, but for whatever reason doesn't want to be involved. People forced into power, for whatever reason seem to do a better job.

Except Caligula...but no theory is perfect.

American Nightmare...

This week has been a bad week for sleep... Harper stayed up all night the other night.

Well almost, she went to sleep at 10:30 and then got woken up at 12:30...by a freak thunderstorm we had.

So I got a little under an hour of sleep. She hasn't slept much since then. Today she woke up at 9 and didn't nap all day. When she went to bed at eight tonight I was thinking, ,"Score! I'm going to get to sleep for more than an hour!"

She woke up at ten thirty won't go back to sleep.

I'm not the sort of person to give juice laced with benadryl, but the thought has crossed my mind with increasing frequency this week. To top a topper on it, it appears that one of these three things is happening: 1) a WWII reenactment is happening around here 2) our neighbors are watching scary movies in surround sound 3) a marching band has moved in above us.

Probably all three.

Halloween is coming up really soon, so Harper and I carved pumpkins tonight we have three kind of small ones. One for each of us:

   This is Harper's, it's supposed to be Brobee from Yo Gabba Gabba...kinda looks like a kindergarten Darth Maul...

  This one is mine, it's supposed to be Raphael the Ninja Turtle...he's smirking but it's hard to tell in the picture.

This is Megan's pumpkin. She is naked because Meg was a team bonding night tonight, if she doesn't tell me otherwise by this time tomorrow it will be Jack Skellington.

To everyone out their, have a happy Halloween. 

Here is a suggested playlist for your Halloween enjoyment:

1.Halloween- the Misfits

2. Vampire Heart- HIM

3.Skatanic-Reel Big Fish

4.Thriller-Michael Jackson

5.Vampires Mummies and the Holy Ghost-Jimmy Buffett

6.Oogie Boogie Song-Tiger Army

7.Wolf Moon- Type O-Negative

8.Fear of the Dark-Iron Maiden

9.Ghost Busters Theme song

10.Baby-Justin Beiber....Hey, it scares the Hell out of me!

You, you got what I need...

This weekend has been sheer heart attack.

I would have broke this up into three posts but have not had internet access for long enough to do so.

So I'll begin in the general vicinity of the beginning. Saturday, Harper and I went with Megan's parents to her soccer game at Emmanuel College. It resides in the tiny town of Franklin Springs, Georgia pretty much adjacent to Royston the birthplace of Ty Cobb. 

You can impress people at parties with that tidbit. 

So we go the girls win, everything is going peachy, the girls stomp the opposition in to the ground and poke them for a while to make sure they were beaten sufficiently. Not really...they won 3-1 but that's still pretty decisive for soccer. On the way home we get a call from Meg. She is in the ER, and doesn't know what hospital she is in.

Panic ensues and they is much screaming and gnashing of brakes by all parties involved. 

Turns out she just got dehydrated which caused her to feel terrible and after getting fluids she was basically okay and the panic died down. Harper just sat and watched Elmo...then fell asleep...

                                                       Carcolepsey strikes again.

Today(Sunday) Meg's parents took us to see Yo Gabba Gabba live! at the Fox Theater. I expected Harper to be bouncing off the walls like a madwoman and trying to get down to the stage to hug the characters and steal them so she could have them come live with us.

Apparently I was wrong.

From the moment we passed under the Fox Marquee she was hypnotized, the rich gold trim, the ornate lights, and rich carpeting. I guess it really is pretty striking, and she was hit with every ounce of it. The only things she said until the show started were asking for for Jr. Mints or after I told her that Yo Gabba Gabba were going to be on the stage she explained, "Go Go in 'dere!"

Translation: "yo gabba gabba is going to be down there!"

Then it began and the trance really began, she hardly moved just shaking slightly  with excitement, and doing a little wiggle dance sometimes.

                                               Can't look away...too...much...GABBA!!!

The got a lot of local celebs out to help preform including Zack Brown, who sang about going pee pee/poopie in the potty. Family Force Five who showed the kid's a new dance in their splendiforus skinny jeans(they probably have denim paint), and Biz Marquee(the human beatbox) teaching them "Biz's beat of the day" a regular Gabba segment. You may remember him from this particular pop culture moment:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aofoBrFNdg&ob=av2n

So the rest of the day she had to talk  about "Go-Go" and got to the Varsity for the first time, so she should be asleep now after an eventful weekend...Though she isn't...

So let me tell you about something else I learned this week.

Hell is other people insurance claims agents. I got hit in the back of the car a couple weeks ago, nothing major just a guy who rolled into me at the gas pump, no big deal expect he had a hitch on the front of his truck and left a dent on my bumper, so I got to talk to an claims agent.

I called 3 times over three days, finally he answers the phone. Then we speak...twice and he admit's that they are responsible for this mess. Two more no answers and finally he answers and says he still has things to verify, and will call me when it is complete.

No call...a week passes.

I call his extension and it comes up invalid over and over, so I talk to the first available agent. He fixed the mess and sounds embarrassed about the whole thing, as he should. I ask him about the invalid extension and he says that the only explanation is that the person is no longer with the company...So maybe some justice has been served.

Though not the Bruce Lee justice I had in mind after talking to the guy/ his answering machine 6 times.

Upon your Request...

Since people want to see the pretty girl herself, I uploaded some pics from my phone of her.

Harper loves to steal Megan's sports bra...

Harper all dressed up for the soccer games Tuesday. It's hard to see, but the pigtails are blue!

Hello, my name is Harper, I is a baby model. 

I know you is jealous of the cheeks.

Now that I know how to upload pictures, you can expect some photo updates of things that I like. I hope you like them too.

Hitchhikiers Guide to the Cutlery: Part Deux, Life the Universe and Sticky Things

Yesterday I embarked on a remarkable journey, it began looking through three cookbooks. Finally I found something that looked promising, Beer Can Chicken.

You may be familiar with this particular recipe, that involves cooking a chicken with a can of beer stuck up it's bum . I comes by many names, Beer Can Chicken, Beer in the Rear Chicken, The Drunken Bird. The list of innuendos goes on for days.

I had to try it.

So after deciding on an appropriate side dish (corn fritters) I went to the market to get supplies. After scouring the counter for a few minutes Harper and I found our bird. It was a 4.8 lb beauty that had the giblets pulled out already. i have been the giblet remover for several chickens that Megan has cooked and having no desire to go through that again I opted for the giblet-free model.

The next step was finding the beer, I was looking for Heineken. I mean Heinie-Can what could be more perfect? but you need a 16 oz can or larger to cook a bird on and the only one available was the keg can. I just wouldn't fit. So with the limited choices of Natural Light, Icehouse, Bud Light and Bud Light Lime I went with Bud Light (for superior drunken birdablity).

Turns out it takes about an hour and a half to cook that sucker, so while it was going I made the glaze witch mainly consisted of maple syrup and orange marmalade. I put it in a bowl on the kitchen table and went to cook the fritters. In a about a half an hour Harper and I we chowing down on a really tasty, and only mildly violated chicken with corn fritters. It turned out really well.

Until I took Harper down from her highchair only to notice something was wrong with her hair. It was all matted and dark on one side, at first I was afraid she might have hit it and bled some. I was relieved to find chunks on orange rind in her " head wound". Turns out she had gotten a hold of some of the glaze while it had been at the table, and stuck it on her head. Two baths yesterday for HK.

While I was cooking I was thinking about how you could put Beer Can Chicken on a menu, and later thought about what the dish would be called if you used different kinds of beer.

So here you go:

Coors: Rocky Mountain Chicken
Budweiser: This Bird's for You
Dos X: The Worlds Most Interesting Chicken
Red Stripe: Hooray Bird!
Corona: Chicken-Miles Away from Ordinary
Miller Highlife: The Peacock of Chickens
Colt 45: It Clucks Every Time
and the one my dad came up with,
Amstell: Hole in the Dam Chicken

There were more...but I want ya'll to keep reading.

So back to Sticky, Harpers new name after the glazed baby incident. Night before last she slept from 8:30 pm to 8 am, I got up twice anyway because I was convinced she had escaped and ran away. She very rarely sleeps all night, mostly nightmares wake her up, the scariest thing that she ever see's is my face after a week of not shaving so who knows what about. They must be doozies though.

Harper is growing so fast, and running even faster. As her vocabulary get's bigger and she starts communicating more she get's even cuter. The way she says things is so funny and cute and sometimes even insightful.
Here are some things that she says, that I think are funny.

Go-Go=Yo Gabba Gabba, her favorite TV show.
Mama Ball=Soccer
'poon=spoon/fork
shuze=shoes, she loves shoes. the first thing she ever said she loved wasn't mama, not dada, but shoes.
Cayke=any dessert, this is usually shouted loudly.
elo=elmo, this may refer to the character, or Sesame St.
Hot!= could be either candles or stove, if it's a candle she'll sniff the air after she says it.

Megan had a soccer game today, and played really well. I think most of the other team suffered blood loss, which means I'm going to need some extra bleach.

Harper got to run around making friends with everyone and giving 10,000 high fives witch is always fun for her, and only ran on the field one time when the ball was at the other end.

It was a white out game, so I dressed her up in white pants, one of Meg's old really small jerseys rolled up and tied up. I also sprayed her pigtails blue, you know your jealous.

All Apologies...

I ran into a former professor at the supermarket the other day, I hadn't really been very close to them and we didn't speak on this occasion. It occurs to me that there are many people that have been in my life that if they were 20 feet away from me we probably wouldn't speak.

In this particular instance I know why the professor didn't say anything to me, after thinking about it for a minute I realized that he probably thinks I'm a maniac.

He hosted an online class with discussion boards that covered many moral and ethical issues. They were soooooo boring. Someone lists an opinion that is the "right" answer and twenty people say "I agree with you"...so I advocated a ton of things that I don't really agree with, communism, anarchy, capital punishment for repeated parking offenders, bombing high population foreign cities to provide relief for overpopulation. 

That provided for some interesting discussions, witch is what I wanted, but now about 17 people think I'm insane.

So to everyone to which I have been a smart ass, I apologize. To everyone else, I also apologize preemptively I just haven't gotten to you yet.

Megan had a soccer game yesterday, which means Harper got to see 50+ of her closest friends. She ran up and down the bleachers giving high-fives and hugs to everyone.

She is probably the friendliest child in the world.

She learned to say sun yesterday,  but she says it "shan" but it's still super cute.

Just a little Respect...

I have found new respect for women.

That is not to say that I didn't before, or that I don't already respect them immensely for a number of very good reasons. I just found a new one.

Harper is getting older and has started coming in the bathroom every time I go. It's not a big deal... I just don't feel right about shutting the door all the way because one of two things happens. One: she will bang on the door loudly until I am deaf. Two: she goes away and becomes conspicuously quiet...

So you can see why I don't mind her barging in.

I just don't want her watching whats happening. So I go sitting down, all the time, and peeing sitting down is no fun.  I seriously have no idea how ladies do that every time. So like I said, not a great reason, not even close to the best reason...but a new reason nonetheless. So...much respect ladies.

Harper learned how to say poop this week, which is kind of hilarious because she has so much fun saying it.  She goes around saying, " i made poop! Hhahahaha." It's kind of amazing. She also is starting to get an addiction, the children's book "Chicka Chicka BOOM BOOM" Megan and I probably read it to her 17 times a day. She picks it up and says "BOOM BOOM!' and will keep poking you with it and saying "BOOM BOOM" until you finally read it.

It's all fun and games until you get a paper cut.

Running on Empty...

I know you've felt like this. Like you've expended all the energy you have, maybe physically, emotionally, mentally. It could be any way. You don't have anything in the tank but you have to keep going.

But it's okay because the reason your exhausted is worth being tired for.

This has been one crazy weekend/start of the week.

Friday night: Meg and I took Harper to the fair along with some of the girls from the Shorter Lady Hawks Soccer team(AKA Harpers 30 other Moms). We had a blast, there weren't too many rides for Harper so we had to find something she wanted to do. This didn't turn out to be all that hard.

They had a livestock show, and the girl loved it. She watched a chick hatch, petted cows, looked at exotic breeds of chickens and met sheep. I say "met" because she adored them, she thinks they are beautiful, wonderful, and engaging conversationalists. Apparently they all speak toddler fluently.

She also got to see a llama, camels, goats, and pigs but they weren't as exciting.

While Harper was yucking it up with the sheep, the adults were dropping like flies. Rides, the smell of animal poo, and rogue funnel cakes were causing nausea quicker than a keg of ipecac.

Overall Friday= Win.

Saturday: Lady Hawks soccer game. To make things better HK had all four grandparents in attendance. The girls put up a win over the Columbia Fighting Kolas(I couldn't make this stuff up).

Harper put on a dribbling clinic with the aide of their assistant coach, and scored about 12 goals. Maybe one or two using legal soccer procedure.

Saturday = Win x2

Sunday: I don't actually remember Sunday happening, but it seemed important at the time... Call it a draw?

So friends go get a win yourself today, whatever one is for you.

If all else fails, talk to a sheep.

These are a few of my favorite things...

If you have been reading my blog so far and are wondering " who is Matt White? what kind of person is he? what makes him tick?" here are a few insights in the form of some of my "likes" and "dislikes". 

Likes-                                        

Green ballpoint pens.

Most bodies of water.

Martin guitar strings.

Baseball.

Black and white workout clothes.

The smell of coconut.

Dogs.

Traveling.

Laughing.

Dislikes-

Red ink.

Cold weather.

The Yankees.(the baseball team)

People who make up words and pretend they are real.

Horror Movies.

Bad handshakes.

Over cooked meat.

The word delicious in sentences that don't relate to food.

Cell phones.

Harper has been saying a new phrase that I think is the best thing ever, instead of just saying "hug" she'll come up to you with her hands raised in the air and says, "hug you?". I know it's the same thing but her saying things that are unique to her is really cool. Then when shes hugging she makes a little sound that is like an "mmm mmm" when someone eats something they like. 

So what do you like? Why do you like it? Do you like green pens also?

I hope someone else likes them, you can sign my petition for Wall Mart to carry them. And here you were thinking that Wall Mart had everything.

 

Mostly Harmless...

I would like to begin by apologizing for yesterdays post, it was a real downer. After reading it today I though it sounded so much like Marvin(the Paranoid Android) from the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy that I had to throw up a big ,"I'm sorry!" sign to everyone who read it.

So...

Today was a very good day, the weather was very nice, Harper was a happy girl and the fair has come into town. We may go soon, I wonder if Harper would enjoy it? I know Meg would they have funnel cakes and fried Oreo's.

We went to a park today as we often do, a different on than normal and had a great time. Harper calls every kid she sees of any age, as long as they don't look like adults "baby", she gets along with other kids really well for the most part, except for the few that take exception at being called baby.

We walked around this park after letting her play with the other kids and on the jungle gym. She found a tennis ball while we were walking around and started throwing it around. For a one year old she has a Cannon! She was going around yelling, "GO!" and throwing her ball, running after it as it went rolling down the pavement.

Pure Magic.

There is a theory that goes, if anyone ever finds out what the universe is for and why it exists, then it will immediately be destroyed and replaced with something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another that says this has already happened.

I'll let you decide what you think.

With Your Feet in the Air and Your Head on the Ground...

Rejection is never fun, I have gotten a rejection notice of some sort three out of the last five days. I know that there are thousands of people in the same situation, some who have been going through it for much longer than six or seven months.

I just get sick of hearing the same sentences over and over, "we have already filled that position", "we no longer have room for this position in the budget", and the worst one ever, "we have kept your resume on file".

What are you going to do with it? Look at it for kicks when your feeling down?

Harper threw massive tantrum leaving the park today, the terrible two's. I have heard that what happens in this stage is that they are trying to communicate somethings to you that and don't understand why you don't know what they mean. After that the emotion circuits in their brain override everything else until they calm down and get distracted by something else.

Another theory is the child's body momentarily turns into a banshee.

I'm on the fence with this one.

Then we went to the grocery store where she charmed the lady at the florist counter into giving her a balloon and made more friends in a few minuets than I have in the last ten years.

The Braves are in the playoffs, so the week is looking up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGXdXcpNsv4 This song might make you feel better if your feeling down.

Things I Don't Understand

There have been an unusually large things that I have been hearing lately that make absolutely zero sense to me. After thinking about it for a while I though I would post some of them maybe you can tell me what I'm missing. Or perhaps you don't understand them either and we can work together to eradicate the mental terrorists...

1. The phrase "you'll wish you'd never been born!". This seems to appear wherever there are angry people squaring up to each other, from kids shows to action movies people are saying this sort of thing all the time. There will be a guy tied to chair and some guy in a black suit with immaculate hair and he'll say something like, "When I get through with you, you'll wish you'd never been born!" followed by a maniacal laugh.

Clearly the guy tied to the chair should be wishing that the scary man with the knife had never been born.

2.Childproof bottles- these should be renamed impregnable tubes. They aren't just childproof they are human proof, I guess we just need to invent light sabers so we can open aspirin.

3. Condensed news sources, okay I understand the practicality, the average person doesn't have time to read everything that they need to in order to be informed. I get it I really do, but some recent journalists have taken it too far. I literally read an article this week that in about two hundred words told me, "the economy sucks and people are bad.". Yes, I know. It is quite possible that the people who write those kinds of articles are at fault for both of those problems.

4. The phrase , "that's just the way I am". "I can't break up with my boyfriend, I know he's cheating on me, but I can't break up with him in a moth with an odd number of days."
"Why???!!!"
"it's just the way I am".
Thats a ridiculous example, but I have heard worse. If "the way you are" is ridiculous. then change it. Or at least think of a decent way to justify your ridiculousness.

5.Job listings who's requirements don't match up with the job description.
Example: Entry Level Inside Sales Position
Minimum requirements: BA or BS in International Communication Theory, Biochemistry, or Film History.
Must have at least 8 years in related  field or peace corps exclusively in Togo or Djibouti.
Comments:Ninja preferred.

Another thing that I don't understand is how Harper's nap time apparently does not relate at all to any of these factors. Her bed time the night before, the time she woke up, amount of activity during the day, or the conditions under which the nap is taken.

Last night she went to sleep at 1:15 AM woke up at 6:30 AM and started her nap at 2:03 PM. She always naps around 2. Who knows why.

Unless were in the car, she'll fall asleep in the car any time because of her condition.

A very serious case of Carcolepsey. It affects over half of Americans every year.

Strange Things Afoot...

This morning I woke up rather abruptly. Megan was looking at me in the guest bed in our daughter Harper's  room and she had a strange look on he face.

I had gone into Harpers room at around five this morning, she was having nightmares and when I was consoling her laying in the spare bed we both went back to sleep. I meant to put her back in her crib, but that didn't happen. When Megan shook me awake Harper wasn't there.

Now I understand the looks I'm getting.

Apparently she had a few minuets earlier slid out of bed, gone in the living room, and turned on the t.v. She's not even two, thats not supposed to happen yet! She wasn't alarmed just chilling out watching cartoons. We walk in and Meg sits by her, "hey Harper"
she looks up from the t.v., "Hi Mama, Dada"
"did you turn the t.v. on?"
"yes"
"oh, okay"

It was fine, but very very odd.

She also figured out how to open the fridge in the last couple of weeks, this hasn't been a problem but today she brought me a bottle of lemon juice while I was using the restroom... I have no idea what she thinks it is.

A few new things she's been saying this month,
"kick the ball" - after watching Megan play soccer she wants to kick every ball.
"mamma ball"- that is what she calls soccer no matter who is playing.
"i don't want to"- I hear this a lot.
"bless you"-she started saying that last week and it is so freaking cute, she always ads the sneezer's name after it also so it's ," bless you mama" or whoever she's saying it about.

That should fill your quota for cuteness for the day.

So it's Fall...

The seasons are changing, it was cold for the first time today.

Almost everyone I know is thrilled about this, I however have mixed feelings. Usually this is the time of year I get sick from the ragweed and stay that way until Thanksgiving. It's a lot of fun, let me tell ya.

The upside is Harper is about to turn two, and is getting so big and smart. She has started taking in sentences some and can count to four. I said i would never be one of those parents that had to tell everyone how smart their kid is...I lied.

The only problem we've had with her is her eating habits. She eats almost all fruits, vegetables and breads...but doesn't like meat. she will take a few bites of chicken or fish, and will eat bacon(everyone eats bacon right?). She just doesn't like the protein. I've been trying to get creative giving her peanut butter some and beans. She likes beans a lot. Which is great because she gets a ton of protein, but then again she's eating a ton of beans...

On a way less entertaining note i have put in over 200 job applications now... had six interviews and all I gotten is more people who don't return my e-mails.

I never online dated, but I imagine this process is sort of similar. You look through hundreds of profiles every day looking for something that is right for you, then you find something kind of intriguing so you contact them. You never hear from 80% of them, maybe the saw your profile-resume and they don't share your love of Kung-Foo movies or don't think a psychology minor will help you sell ad space.

Then someone does contact you back and you set up a date/ interview, they seem nice enough and your doing your best to be charming and funny and not come on too strong. Try to be appealing, but don't seem too needy and you try to see if they are right for you.

Then your at home thinking, hey that probably went okay....

And they never call again...

So you call them, and they went another direction. Or say they eliminated the position all together.

Your self esteem is soaring.

Or maybe like I did you find a scammer, who I interviewed with twice... I am so smart.
I imagine this is like finding out someone you went on a couple dates with is a registered sex offender. And then you feel even more stupid because you thought the scammer/sex offender was kind of cool....

Again self esteem is so high.

Scary Kids Scaring Kids

A few times a week I usually take Harper to one of the local parks, there are a good amount of parks around where we live and they are maintained well. It's a good opportunity to get her some fresh air and socialize with her fellow munchkins.

It also lets me get out of the house.

A couple of days ago we were at our usual spot when two small kids a brother and sister started to play in our general area, they were watched by a lackadaisical grandmother. The little girl was probably not quite two, around Harpers age but didn't seem very interested in anything, mostly just stood around and stared at things.

The little boy was all over everything like a spider monkey he was probably about four. He talked to Harper for a minute and then went back to his playing. She kind of wanted to play but couldn't climb the jungle gym as fast, so she pretty much did her own thing and had a good time. 

We were walking away getting ready to leave he runs up to Harper and pushes her down. 

I kick his head into the river and hit his negligent guardian with the remainder of the body.

no 

deep breath...

I asked him calmly to be shaking in rage what he thought he was doing and told him to go back to his grandmother and to stay away.

All this time Harper is looking at the little boy incredulously. Her bottom lip begins to quiver and I pick her up and keep walking away. I asked her as we walked, "are you okay?"

She sniffs hard as she shakes her head and signs ,"no". a little tear is on her cheek and my heart breaks when I realize exactly why. Her feelings were hurt.

This sounds so stupid but it was almost worse than if she had gotten a skinned knee or a bruise. She's been hurt before, but her feelings never had been.  No one had ever been mean to her before and that little twerp was.

On reflection i realized that I do not envy the first boy who breaks up with her. He's going to miss having hands.

Long May You Run

Today got off to an auspicious start, I ran my first ever 5k today.

That is a misleading statement, as a college pitcher I had to run three or four miles at least three days a week as any pitcher on our staff can attest. I am no stranger to the distance, but this is the first organized event I've ever attempted.

After it was over I was tempted to change my e-mail to omgi'mslow@turtlepace.org
I got eaten alive by a big hill, and beaten by a 70 year old man. My self esteem is soaring.
Somehow I finished third in my age group(there must have only been two other people).

But all in all it was a good time, families out together, people having a good time, and I got to talk to some very nice people I haven't seen in quite some time.

My wonderful wife also got home from a three day soccer excursion today, so it was a good one+ braves win.
Harper and I got into a stare down contest tonight we both ended up laughing historically, she was making funny faces then we started mimicking each other. if you have never heard a toddler laugh until they pee go find one and start tickling it you will feel better about life.

ask the parents permission though, some people are so touchy...

Hitchhikers Guide to the Cutlery

The past few months my beautiful wife Megan has been very, extremely busy. This has forced me to learn a great deal of things, how to do laundry without turning things pink, how to clean a bathroom so that all the mysterious grey-brown stains leave, and most importantly Cook.

I have tried, in the past to master some of the culinary arts. There have been a few successes, like the cornbread that people actually ate, and survived.

But then there was the incident with the poached catfish......

I won't expound, you can probably figure out how that ended.

But I have leaned to do a few small things, I can cook pasta and make a couple of decent sauces and cook steak and chicken to at least Waffle House standards. In a minor emergency I even made a perfectly edible chocolate mousse. I have no idea how I pulled that off.

Point is I have learned to cook edible food...yes. I have also learned how to turn the kitchen into a war zone in 30 minuets or less. There has been food on the floor, the inside of the cabinets and even the ceiling. I still don't know how that happened. When Meg cooks the kitchen is practically clean by the time dinner is served, I can have it clean by dinner the next day....

They should have a manual: Using the Kitchen with a Y Chromosome 

Just Do It

Today amid much fanfare today Freddie Freeman the 20 year old first base prospect for the Atlanta Braves got a call-up today. Congrats Freddie you earned it. I saw him play in Rome and he looks to be the real deal.

Another Braves minor league player got called up today, a 31 year old Venezuelan catcher names J.C. Boscan. I doubt you've heard of him, he's a .227 career hitter in 14 minor league seasons, 12 in the Braves organisation. He made the big club's spring training camp this year, but mostly because they needed another quality catcher around so that Brian McCann wouldn't get hurt too bad.

If you've ever seen Bull Durham this guy isn't even Crash Davis, hey at least Crash could hit. J.C. is the stellar defensive back-up to the Crash Davis's of the world, and has just kept pugging away on a minimum wage equivalent salary to live the dream.

Today he get a bone thrown his way. he likely won't get another call-up, at least not unless the Braves don't have another catcher they would rather have a look at next September. For now though he is J.C. Boscan MLB catcher. I commend him for having the courage to continue when most people would have called it a career.

Maybe we should all chase a dream.

On a lighter note today Harper made a bed out of the diaper basket on her changing table, as soon as I figure out how to put pictures on here y'all are going to be in the floor laughing.
She is probably a tree frog in a toddlers body.

Small Victories

My daughter is 20 months old her name is Harper. She is beautiful, intelligent, and can climb like a spider monkey. She also never sleeps.
This  is probably my fault, though I'm not sure what I could have done to prevent it. I didn't sleep until I was 16 and she wont either at this rate. She seldom goes to sleep before 11pm and only takes a short nap during the day. I think she's afraid she's going to miss something, if only she knew that the only things that happen after she goes to sleep are all night infomercials and our noisy neighbors who make chop sushi ingredients until 1am.

I think were all afraid that were missing something, at least I have been. Like there is some great party going on, but you missed out on the invitation. Really what we mostly miss is the real like version of all night infomercials...thankfully.

I am getting to write this right now because she decided that sleep was better than watching the Magnificent Seven with her dad. So she gets good to rest and feel peachy the rest of the day, and I get to watch Yul Brenner and Steve McQueen shoot things and serve up more one liners than any two James Bond movies you care to mention. Small Victory, yes, but I'll take anything in the win column.

Hello World

Hello, how are you?

either; oh good I'm happy for you, or oh, I'm so sorry. Insert the appropriate one for you.

My name is Matt, I am 23 with a very pretty wife and daughter. I have applied for 10 jobs this week, and haven't heard back from any of them. One of my wife's books said "Bitter is the New Black" but if that were the case I would be cooler than James Dean and Lou Reed combined. I like; baseball, music, Kung Foo movies and outdoor sports (with a few exceptions to all of those) I dislike; people mispronouncing words on purpose, peanuts all of their by-products, and hanging plates as decoration(with far fewer exceptions).

The Phillies lost last night so I'm in a good mood, the weather is nice, and my toddler is taking a nap. All is right with the world.

I would like to give you some insights; The news would have you believe that the stock market is down and people are bad. The news lies sometimes.
As you have likely assumed or at least surmised at 4 am after a very long day, the world is trying to kill you, you are correct. Were trying to kill it too though  so try not to hold a grudge.
Knowledge is power, but ignorance is bliss. So try to find a happy medium.

thanks for reading, if you ask nicely I might just post again tomorrow,
Matt

P.S. Kris Medlin of the Atlanta Braves also has a blog on here that is far more interesting and humorous than mine is, check it out :http://krismedlen.blogspot.com/